


Broken Inside

by wth_am_i_writing



Category: VIXX
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV Second Person, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-15
Packaged: 2019-09-15 21:16:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16940877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wth_am_i_writing/pseuds/wth_am_i_writing
Summary: His words still haunted you everyday.





	Broken Inside

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr on February 1, 2014.
> 
> Original Author’s Note: An anon requested “angst that involves completely leaving an emotionally abusive relationship”. I was allowed to pick the member, so I chose Hongbin. Honestly, out of all the members, I see N and Hongbin as the most likely to be emotionally abusive, but N has more fics that Hongbin. I wrote this while kinda tired the last few days have been very gogogo for me :( Anyway, I hope you like this anon!

_Why don’t you just pick it up? Stop being so lazy._

Hongbin’s voice rang in your head as you stepped over a mess off dirty clothes and books on the floor. You told yourself to just leave it. You didn’t _have_ to clean up the mess right that instant, but every cell in your body was screaming to turn around and clean it up. It took everything you had to resist. You continued into the living room area where you’d cleared a workspace on the floor.

_You live like a pig. I can’t stand it. I can’t even think straight with this mess everywhere._

You tried to push his voice from your mind. There was ample work that needed to be done, and just because you’d taken to locking yourself up in your apartment after classes didn’t mean you could afford to not do it. Cleaning could wait. Graduation was coming up soon and you were already neck deep in your job search. The idea of moving out into the real world terrified you.

No matter how many times you told yourself that you could get a job, you never believed it. Even though you’d managed to be among the better students, you felt talentless compared to everyone else around you. Perhaps your ex-boyfriend and the people that surrounded him had exaggerated the feeling. They were already doing so much with their lives and you’d just gone to college.

You shifted the papers around, sorting out the ones you needed immediately. As your hands moved, you began to worry if you were good looking enough in your resume photographs. You’d had the photos touched up nicely by professionals, but you worried about when they actually saw you at the interview. No one would want a fat and ugly employee. Biting your lip, you pushed the idea of plastic surgery and visiting the weight loss center out of your mind.

_The way you are now, you’d make a terrible housewife. I even have to cook for you because you burn the rice._

You never understood what Hongbin had seen in you. He was dazzlingly good looking and filled with talent. Everyone around him was above average. But you supposed that in many ways he was never really yours.  You stared at the papers in your hands, unable to push the thoughts away.

_Isn’t Park Hyo Shin-sunbae gorgeous? I really admire him._

He’d never commented on your looks like that. He’d never smiled for you like he did for Park Hyo Shin.

_You’re too big for shorts like that. Your stomach is sticking out funny. It would probably look better if you stopped eating so many sweets._

When was the last time you’d enjoyed your favorite dessert? That’s right—it’d been the night you’d broken up with him. You’d vomited it up not long after eating it. You still had no idea whether it’d been the stress of the break up or because you thought that if you were even just the slightest bit thinner, just the slightest bit prettier, that you’d feel worth something—that you’d have been worth Hongbin’s affections

_Hyo Shin-hyung took me out to dinner last night. I think I’m in heaven. It feels unreal._

The way he spoke about his colleague made you wonder if he even cared for you. But the way he’d hold your hand tight while watching movies, the way he’d beg you to ride him, the way he’d insisted on feeding you with that blinding smile of his would always stave off the anxiety that sat deep within you.

But then you accidently knocked a glass of water all over his prized new magazine featuring Park Hyo Shin. The way Hongbin went off, the way he berated you, the way he lifted Park Hyo Shin up like a god made you realize that staying with him was pointless.

So you walked out on him, left him standing there with a soggy magazine of another man.

Taking a shaky breath in, you placed the papers in your hands back down on the ground. You reached up and brushed the tears in your eyes away just as they fell.

You told yourself every morning that you were better off without Hongbin. He never valued you and only tore you apart. But you missed the way he’d hold you after sex. You missed the feel of his lips, the taste of his food, his blinding smile, the sound of his baritone voice.

You stood and headed to the kitchenette to get a tissue. There was no way you could get any work done today. After blowing your nose, you looked out at your new, tiny apartment with dead eyes and sighed. The action felt like a ton had been lifted from your chest, but a single ton was nothing when it felt like you were trapped under a million tons. Tossing the tissue away, you headed back over to the pile of clothes and books you’d stepped over earlier. As you began to pick them up, Hongbin’s voice rang through your mind once again.

_How typical. I shouldn’t have to tell you thirty times to pick up your messes. You should be more responsible and not even let those kinds of things hit the floor in the first place._


End file.
